Gents, we need to talk...

"DinoValentino" (dinovalentino) 07/07/2016 at 19:40 • Filed to: Underwear, Mens, choice, penis mitts

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I recently read an !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! stating that a man buys his own underwear for about 17 years of his life.

“ The rest of the time it falls to their mothers, and later to their wives or girlfriends, the survey found.”

I immediately realized that I fell into that sad category of men who blindly accept the underwear given to them with no thought. The clarity hit me. How did I never question this? When was the last time I got new boxers? That’s it, these budget underwear are the blight of man.

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Gentlemen, why are you letting others dictate what you place around your precious genitalia? This is completely unacceptable, especially considering your mother or wife does not know the dynamics of comfy men’s underwear. Humidity, support, range of motion, and design must be experienced. Stop settling for whatever and choose for yourself. Make the choice. You’re a man and you should have the best for your genitals, not some bulk Walmart Spongebob 29-pack Cotton Penis Mitts.

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I type this from the cockpit of my synthetic compression boxer shorts that I chose after many test-drives of different brands & styles. Ball sweat is down 40% due to the synthetic nugget-cooling technology. I can tuck it up in to the waistband, curve it down like a baby elephant, or when I’m having a big dick day I let it down one of the legs.

What matters most is you do your research and find your glass slipper. You wont regret it. Here’s to 17 years of having a choice.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:36

5

How am I here? Did I time travel?

DinoValentino > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 07/07/2016 at 19:44

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Whatever time period you’re reading this from I hope you’re choosing your own underwear and having a big dick day.

Berang > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:48

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I fashion my underwear every morning from bits of twigs and lint.

Textured Soy Protein > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:49

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Adidas Climalite trunks (they’re not as long as boxer briefs) are the best underwear ever.

Ike > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:50

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Less time shopping for underwear = more time looking for car parts

LongbowMkII > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:52

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Nice underwear is fucking expensive.

Wobbles the Mind > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:55

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Meh, I trust my mother’s taste when it comes to covering my no-no zone.

Jokes aside though, I have never thought about undergarments I expect to be seen in. Women have like nine different categories to cover all occasions and will do same day switch outs if the occasion or mood changes. But I’m still years away from any instance like that coming up, so I’ll keep buying my Hanes in rolls and feel like Michael Jordan.

My citroen won't start > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:55

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I think I started buying my own underwear when I started to make my own money. If anyone gifts me underwear I would have them shot, that is no gift.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:55

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Honestly not surprised.

Dusty Ventures > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:56

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The problem is we’re guys, so even if we’re buying our own underwear humidity, support, and range of motion won’t weigh in. We just walk into the aisle, look for our preferred format (boxer, brief, or boxerbrief), and grab whatever pack has the most underwear for the least monies. Or, alternately, the ones with the most interesting design

CB > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 19:56

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I’ve just accepted the fact that I’m going to be wearing Fruit of the Loom boxers since they work fine for me and I don’t think I’d notice a difference for more expensive boxers.

While on the topic of men’s underwear, why the hell is all “sexy” men’s underwear awful in design? Seriously, my girlfriend and I looked at some and couldn’t believe how ridiculous most of it looked (and, by proxy, how uncomfortable it looked).

Wobbles the Mind > My citroen won't start 07/07/2016 at 19:57

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And I’m over hear excited to get socks, ties, and tools. (Tools are totally a fashion accessory).

The Lurktastic Opponaught > Dusty Ventures 07/07/2016 at 20:02

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Speak for yourself, man! When I broke the 50 mile mark on my road bike years ago, I discovered the importance of *specialty* underwear and butt butter. The chafage won’t soon be forgot. I walked around like a cowboy for a week.

RallyWrench > The Lurktastic Opponaught 07/07/2016 at 20:06

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We don’t talk about butt chamois butter, shhhhh

Dusty Ventures > The Lurktastic Opponaught 07/07/2016 at 20:07

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True! I was generalizing a bit. I rode regularly for six or seven years, and I definitely cared then.

The Lurktastic Opponaught > RallyWrench 07/07/2016 at 20:08

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I wish someone had talked about it with me. Would have saved some rather delicate anatomy the ignominity of defeat.

ttyymmnn > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 20:11

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Actually, I have purchased bras for my wife since they are obscenely expensive and she doesn't like to spend that much. But I always check the size first.

Berang > Dusty Ventures 07/07/2016 at 20:16

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Well that explains why all my underwear either glows in the dark or changes colors.

RallyWrench > The Lurktastic Opponaught 07/07/2016 at 20:16

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It’s a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t help our reputation.

CaptDale - is secretly British > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 20:21

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Huh, that is an odd thought. I have so many pairs of underwear that I have bought myself I should use a second drawer. But then again underwear can be a fashion statement. I kinda got addicted to interesting under garments. Probably due to my ex. He was obsessed (maybe not the right word) with them and had enough to lay out over our queen bed. Anyhow, never really thought of it as that bad until I read that article. I guess I will always buy my own.

Dusty Ventures > Berang 07/07/2016 at 20:21

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Not sure if serious, but not surprised if serious

Svend > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 20:33

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I’m 36 and have bought my own boxers for the last 19 of them. I’m a creature of habit and have bought pretty much the same socks (black Calvin Klein sports socks) for eight years and boxers for 12 years (black Thomas Nash) and daily footwear for 20 years (black 8inch Magnum Classic CEN for the first 11 years and later 8inch Magnum Stealth).

Thing is I guess like many blokes, you find what's right for you an stick with it until the manufacturers stop making them or they change them in some way.

lone_liberal > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 20:37

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Yeah, no. I’ve been doing my own laundry since I was 13 and I started buying my own clothes, including undies, shortly thereafter. Nobody has bought my underwear other than me since approximately 1980. Ok, the Navy did in 1983 but that doesn’t count. Of course that could be the reason why my underwear can tend toward the raggedy at times.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 20:41

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Holy fucking shit... you’re right. My balls are sticking to my leg because of this cheap shit. No more I say, NO MORE!

Vee Ate Injun > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 20:50

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Pshhh.... So many pathetic losers, having women buy their underwear. So sad.

Me? I have my butler buy them for me. Like a boss.

#likeaboss

shop-teacher > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 20:54

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It has come to my attention in the last month or so that I need to get new underwear. The fabric has gotten so thin, that several of my pairs have shredded and had to be thrown away. The rest of the pairs have essentially no elastic left. After reading your article, it occurred to me why my underwear has gotten so bad. I’ve been my wife for nearly a decade now. I bought my underwear before we met. Yeah, I really should spring for some new undies.

BigBlock440 > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 20:59

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17 years? Holy shit! I bought a pack in college once when it was almost the end of the semester and I didn’t want to do laundry.

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 21:16

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I’d always bought Hanes or Fruit of the Loom briefs/boxer briefs when I was younger, but I finally got wiser when I went to university. I experimented with different brands, styles, fits, and materials until I found what works for me. Now it’s 2xist (brand) all day, every day. Incidentally, I’m gay.

zeontestpilot > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 21:26

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If it isn’t comfortable, I don’t wear it. Plain and simple. Same goes with pants, shirts, socks, etc. I’d tell them I didn’t like it too.

Now, about the bra thing, I have debated about picking a nice bra out for MrsZtp, but it’ll be more ‘something I want to see on her’ .

DinoValentino > zeontestpilot 07/07/2016 at 21:42

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Im all for comfort too. I went the synthetic route and it’s like there’s a party in my pants that nobody knows about. If you get her something you’d like to see on her don’t forget to return the favor. Cheers brother.

DinoValentino > Berang 07/07/2016 at 21:46

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That’s a true man who gets his underwear straight from the source. No middleman.

DinoValentino > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 07/07/2016 at 21:52

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Dont let this be in vain. Have the courage to choose that which may have the privilege of harnessing your genitalia.

DinoValentino > LongbowMkII 07/07/2016 at 21:54

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Do your research, these are your balls we are talking about.

LongbowMkII > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 22:11

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Dude, I’m already rocking the minivan, my balls are done... Hopefully.

I have nice ones and I have everyday ones. I have more important things to spend money on than test fitting underwear for the most exquisite teste coddling experience known to man. Unless there’s a massage feature, there’s such thing as good enough.

BayAreaMiataBoi > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 22:12

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Yeah, I had to take my Mom to buy two bras.
Luckily, she knew her size, so I did not have to test fit them.
My lucky day. . .

DynamicWeight > DinoValentino 07/07/2016 at 23:34

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For the most part I wear random Hanes boxers from target, but I have about five pairs of Ex Officio fancy boxers for any time I have to do something active. Like ride a bike or motorcycle, or take a long road trip. Omg they’re so nice but I just can’t justify buying enough pairs to wear every day.

https://www.amazon.com/ExOfficio-Give…

Go ahead, buy yourself a pair. See if you don’t start hoarding them for “special days”.

f86sabre > DinoValentino 07/08/2016 at 00:41

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I’m married and I buy my own. That said, I do the other thing as well. I do my own laundry. No one needs to deal with my dainties but me.

WRXforScience > DinoValentino 07/08/2016 at 02:09

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17 years sounds about right for a set of underwear, what are we supposed to replace them before they completely degrade to nothing but a hole?

wafflesnfalafel > DinoValentino 08/16/2016 at 00:15

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what? that is crazy - why don’t guys buy their own skives? Heck, it’s easier now than it’s ever been - you can order stuff on Amazon if you don’t want to pick them up at the store...

Tohru > zeontestpilot 08/16/2016 at 01:54

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when you said “bra” I thought you were still talking about stuff for you.

e36Jeff now drives a ZHP > DinoValentino 04/04/2017 at 18:46

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I’ve been buying my underwear for 16 years now, you’re saying I only have to wait one more year and someone else will start buying them for me? score.

DinoValentino > e36Jeff now drives a ZHP 04/04/2017 at 18:54

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Will you hold the line? Or will you accept the 9 pack cotton penis mitts of defeat?

e36Jeff now drives a ZHP > DinoValentino 04/04/2017 at 19:08

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I might put up with whatever for a few years to save up my money to get some bitchin’ silk spongebob underwear.